I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
