he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize