you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
