I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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