Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
