i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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