Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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