I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
