are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
this is an emotional support booty call
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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