you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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