Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
