Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize