I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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