If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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