I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
