i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
