He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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