you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize