Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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