I wish life had little blips of pornography
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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