Screwed.edu
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
