i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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