why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize