Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there's paper in my vomit.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
