i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize