Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
