if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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