I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
