We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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