shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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