So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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