How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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