Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
