dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
