I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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