He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
