i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
