I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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