this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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