I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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