hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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