His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
