I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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