my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
