OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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