so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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