My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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