Where is the hickey?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize