Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
