please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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