Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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