In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
