We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
