i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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