Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You can't special order awesome
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
