If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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