6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
