I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
