i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
