dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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